Do you take a roll in the hay every night, once or twice a week, monthly or at no particular time? For the good of your own relationship, how much sex should you be having? Many couples do find infrequent sex to be an issue. While some are fine with the occasional 5-minutes romp under the sheets, others wish they were getting a whole lot more.
There are women who worry that their men demand too much sex and secretly wish they’d slow down. But a lot more men complain that it is their women that are not giving it up as often as they (men) desire.
More than next door
On the whole, the average couple is happy if it thinks it’s getting more sex than the couple next door regardless of how much it’s actually getting.
Having more sex than your neighbours can actually make you happy, and research shows that couples who have sex at least two to three times a month are more likely to report a higher level of happiness than those who who’ve had no sex during the previous 12 months.
The more sex people have, the happier they tend to be, even when factors like income, marital status, health and age are taken into account.
What is more surprising is that even people who have reasonable amounts of sex report lower levels of happiness if they think there is a chance they could be having less sex than their peers.
Conversely, people who think they are getting more sex than their peers report higher levels of happiness, even if — in the great scheme of things— they aren’t having that much sex.
How much is normal?
This sounds like a simple question, but there are no right answers. What happens when a couple has what is called mismatched libidos? If she likes to have sex four times a week and he only once or twice, of course they want to find out who is the abnormal one.
Essentially the amount of sex you have will depend on you and your relationship, and that the ideal frequency is tricky to pin down.People tend to have more sex in the early stages of a relationship and less lately on.But the average does suggest that a natural sexual frequency is something like once or twice a week in a committed, long term relationship.
Many couples will be happy with less, and others will be at it every night, but if you’re up with the average at least you can stop stressing about what’s happening next door and start enjoying what’s happening in your own bedroom.
At least once a week
Every relationship is different, and the amount of sex you need is the amount that makes both partners happy. While there may be no one right answer to the question of how often couples should have sex, they should to try to do it at least once a week.
Pencilling in sex at least once a week means sex becomes a habit, something you fit in however busy or stressed you are. Once a week means you’ll get all the health and wellbeing benefits, too. So the more you have the better.
Generally speaking, a sexless marriage is one in which a committed couple has sex less than 10 times per year. About 1 in five couples fall into this category.
This may or may not be an issue, depending on the couple. Some couples, especially older pairs who’ve been together a long time, are perfectly fine with once or twice a year or even not at all, thank you very much.
Not having sex doesn’t mean these couples aren’t deeply in love, monogamously committed and happy together. It just means that sex isn’t as high a priority for them as it is for some of their friends, neighbours or people they see on TV and in the movies.
Spice up your flagging sex life If you and your partner have gone several weeks or even months without sex and the lack of activity is troubling you, usually a little bit of effort is enough to revive your flagging sex life, especially if the emotional connection between you and your partner remains strong.
Try one or more of the following tips
Schedule it: Sounds horribly unromantic, but really it’s quite the opposite. Plan a relaxing shower and mutual massage as part of foreplay. After all, who doesn’t look forward to a massage? Couples who search together for the right scent of massage oil are off to a great start.
Mix it up: Perhaps you’ve always had that special secret fantasy, but you’ve never mentioned it or acted on it. Now is the time to talk about it with your partner. Who knows, maybe he or she is willing to try it. And be sure to ask about his or her secret fantasy. It might be a turn-on for you, too. Just make sure that if you both say yes, you really mean to say yes. No regrets, please.
Go away. If you’ve always done it in the bedroom, try another room, the kitchen, or a hotel, or a cabin in the woods. It’s amazing what a little change of venue can do for a stale sex life.
Give your partner a gift “just because.” Write a list of things you love about your partner and give it to him or her. Plan a surprise date that involves an activity you know your partner enjoys (even if it’s not your favorite thing to do).