Spouses sometimes find themselves at a crossroads in relationships which may occur as a result of cheating. VIVIAN OBERE, in this piece, presents the various reasons that may lead to cheating and how it can be reduced and, if possible, prevented.
It is sometimes pandered that there is no relationship which is entirely free of infidelity, albeit, in varying doses. Several reasons are usually alluded to, on why couples may likely cheat in relationships. Mr Abraham Ojekanmi, a marriage counsellor, who spoke with Sunday Tribune, advanced many reasons that would compel couples to be unfaithful. Some of the reasons are stated below.
The absence of the fear of God:
According to Mr Ojekanmi, when partners do not imbibe the fear of God, it may lead to infidelity. According to him, “when couples do not have the fear of God in their relationship, there is every tendency that they would cheat on each other. However, when couples fear God in all they do, they would always put God first. What you don’t want others to do to you, you don’t do to them.”
For Olabisi Fanimo, a married man, “Sexual frustration could lead partners to cheat. When a partner is not sexually satisfied or when the significant other withholds sex for whatever reason, there may be the tendency to seek satisfaction elsewhere.”
There is also the factor of ignorance. Mr Ojekanmi said: “Many people enter into the marriage institution without knowing what they are getting into. It is said that whoever you are getting married to, you have become one with such a person. So, if you cheat on your spouse, it’s like cheating on yourself and if you have such an understanding, you wouldn’t think of cheating at all because it is uncalled for.”
Keeping bad company
“When one keeps friends that cheat on their spouses, they would definitely influence you into the same act of cheating. So, peer pressure could be a factor ,because the pressure our friends exact on our minds is stronger than that of our so-called enemies,” Ojekanmi stated.
For Chiwendu Okoli, a married woman, “financial challenges may make partners cheat. When, in a relationship, the man who is the head of the family is unable to meet his financial responsibilities, the wife may feel obliged to seek funds elsewhere, not minding the means or the circumstances. This may have consequences on both sides. The wife may begin to misbehave, especially when she begins to see herself as the breadwinner. The husband, as a result, may want to look elsewhere. Thus, when the wife begins to feel like the ‘boss’, her behaviour would naturally change towards the husband. She may also start to keep male company aside her husband to service her ‘needs’.”
Mr Ojekanmi further noted that “When one comes from a family where there is a history of infidelity, there is every likelihood that one could pick up the habit from the parents because children look up to parents as role models and they tend to adopt some habits from them. It is most rampant among divorced parents.”
“Most times, when couples stay apart, they could find unfaithfulness creeping into the relationship. As such, I don’t encourage couples to operate distant relationships at all. As the saying goes, ‘out of sight is out of mind.’ When a partner doesn’t see his or her spouse in a while or continuously, it is almost expected that there may be the temptation to cheat or even the action itself,” Ojekanmi concluded.