Love is a term that has various definitions by many, but one fact stands out about love; everyone – both male and female – loves and wants to know how much he or she is loved. Though a partner may not be chanting to his partner at all times that she is loved, there are things they can be doing that will make the other partner understand how much he or she is loved. CHIBUNMA UKWU writes with contributions from Five Languages Of Love by Dr Gary Chapman
A key factor in relationship whose value or impact will never change is communication. This is so important that it has helped in tackling many issues as far as marriage is concerned. When it comes to two people in love, it is important to be able to express love to your spouse or even children in ways they can understand. You can actually do this using what has been termed as the “five languages of love”.
Words of affirmation: By this, we mean that it is very necessary that spouses say good things to each other. Experts have viewed that saying nice things to each other aids to build your mate’s self image and confidence.
Some people, because of the nature of their upbringing, do not believe in telling their spouses how much they love them on daily basis, whereas some spouses may not actually expect such treatment, it is obvious that they would appreciate it when they know you hold them in high esteem, and one of the ways that they will know about this is through the way you speak to them.
You will agree that it is said that words help to determine the contents of the heart, hence your partner gets to know what you have in mind about him or her by the manner in which you put it to words. Imagine scolding your wife as though she is immature, always disturbing you with her life and activities… then afterwards, you come back to her to play with her or tell her that you love her, such a partner will not take you serious, because through your words of affirmation earlier on, you have made her know your view of her. Other ways you can tell her positive things is to appreciate her when she cooks nice meals, compliment her when she dresses well. While you are doing this, bear in mind the fact that saying nice things to each other aids to build your mate’s self image and confidence.
Quality time: This buttresses the need for companionship. There are some people who believe that staying together, doing things together and focusing on one another is the best way to show love. To people like this, they might not be offended if you do not buy expensive gifts for them, they might not be offended if you do not chant to them that you love them, but they would certainly complain when you do not make out time to stay with them. This might make them feel they are no longer important to you as a partner.
Thus, understanding this will help you appreciate when your spouse is asking to spend more time with you. Although, it can call for adjustment, it is achievable and can be done. For men, just determine to spend little time by the television or reading magazines and give attention to your partner; and for women, the same applies.
Gifts: It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They mustn’t be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift-giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
So, if you have studied your partner and you’ve found out that gifts make him feel good, then that might be his or her love language. You are encouraged to buy gifts for your spouse. The gift may not be expensive, but necessary; it is the message of love it carries that matters.
Acts of service: For some people, doing things for them makes them feel loved and special. This might entail helping them out with the house chores or going out of your ways to do something little but extraordinary for them. For example, your spouse comes back from work, helping him undress might just do the magic, helping her remove her shoes may just be the thing that makes you her knight in shining armour.
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require humility, time and creativity. But giving acts of service to your partner are things that need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
Physical touch: To some people, their love language could be physical touch. Doing this does not cost much, but the result is usually what partners are thankful for. Doing things like stroking your spouse’s back, holding hands or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.
There are people who actually find it too hard to do this, especially in the public, but if it is the love language of your spouse whom you have vowed to love, then it would be wise to make necessary adjustments and start telling your partner in the very language that he or she understands how much you love and appreciate him or her.
As good as the above are, it is possible some people do not know what their love languages are. Here are questions that can help you to determine that:
• How do I express love to others?
• What do I complain about the most?
• What do I request most often?
Since we sometimes speak what we need, we can discover our own love languages by asking ourselves the above questions. But more importantly, get to determine the love language of your spouse and speak that to him.