Husbands and wives must be dependent on each other if the marriage institution will succeed. That is, once married, a couple is no longer separated in so many ways: they cannot live separate lives any longer with reference to accommodation, future plans, financial spending, relationships, circle of friends among others. Marriage makes a couple not two separate individuals but one. That is, they are now two in one.
If this interdependency between married couples will be sustained, sexual relationship must be satisfactory to the couple. The couple must have a good sex life, or like I titled my latest book, Enjoying Great Sex Life, they must have a great sex life. Sex is a strong factor of dependency for married couples. Great sex life makes dependency of married couple easier. This is why every couple must ensure each other’s sexual satisfaction. This is the way nature has planned it.
Without each other, sexual satisfaction for a couple becomes a mirage. Even when masturbation is embarked upon by one or both partners, it cannot replace a good sex life for the couple. I have often wondered why nature made sexual satisfaction of a couple dependent on each partner. I have examined the makeup of sex organs of both male and female, and I have not stopped wondering why they were so made for the woman to need the man for sexual satisfaction and vice versa. I have also considered the pains sexual dissatisfaction has caused so many couples. This includes suffering in silence, extra marital affairs, murder and other intrigues.
I have also thought of a scenario which makes the man and the woman to enjoy sex without needing each other based on the troubles couples go through as a result of poor sex life. If this were possible, I imagined that husband and wife would be having little or no problem depending on each other for satisfaction. Why then did nature make it so for a couple to need each other for sexual satisfaction?
My only reasonable conclusion about sexual dependence is that the marriage institution cannot succeed without the husband and wife being dependent. Marriage does not require two independent persons, but two dependent persons working for the good of each other and their offsprings. In marriage, there is nothing like “I have my life to live.” If you have your life to live, then better live alone without involving another person.
Couples who live independent life in marriage often go their separate ways at the end of the day. Independent life means independent interests which must be protected by each party in the marriage. This is the bane of many marriages. Many couples enduring their marriages do so because they live independent lives. Being dependent makes a couple to go all out to ensure that their interests are well protected, because anything contrary to this will spell doom for the marriage. Interdependence couples don’t have separate interests, but joint interests. It is like the snail and its shell; where one goes the other follows. One partner cannot survival without the other; one cannot make it without the other. This is the ideal marriage that nature has planned. Anything contrary to this portends great danger for the marriage.
Sex organs of both male and female, or for our purpose, husband and wife, are the levellers for dependency in marriage. Husband and wife need each other for sexual satisfaction. If the man’s organ is not hard, the wife cannot achieve sexual satisfaction. And if the woman is not well lubricated, the man cannot have easy penetration for sexual comfort. To achieve both a hard rod and wet hole, husband and wife need each other’s cooperation. That is where foreplay comes into the picture, and foreplay is only realistic between the two persons, husband and wife.
Sexual dependency is a pointer to the fact that nature wants husband and wife to be interdependent. If a couple is able to work around the nature-induced sexual dependency to achieve sexual satisfaction, then achieving dependency in other areas becomes easier. What is required to work out sexual satisfaction can therefore be leveraged on to live as one flesh by the couple. The patience of achieving foreplay, the understanding of managing premature ejaculation, the cooperation to understand the sexual make up of man and woman, the willingness to acquire sexual skills are necessary ingredients for a successful marriage.
So, each couple must work out their sexual satisfaction with fear and trembling. The song for the couple should be “I need you; you need me; you are important to me; I need you; and you need me to survive.” Next week, I will write on how to achieve marital dependency because it will help our marriages work out better.