I found myself in my room, (Don’t know how) weeping bitterly
I gathered a little strength and quickly pulled my blood stained school uniform, shut myself in the bathroom and wash every trace of his smelly sweat. I scrubbed and scrubbed till I became sore. I refused to think of what had just happened.
I resolved to tell my mom everything.
However, I never did.
I was ashamed to tell my parents. And then I was scared that my dad would blame me.
I suffered in silence, I became withdrawn, I stopped eating and on top of that, he bullied me to believing that his friend had taken pictures of us and the only reason he will beg him not to show anyone the pictures is the promise of my silence. It’s a deal!.
Under normal circumstances, that is unbelievable, right?.
My shame is finally out!!!!
I cannot even bear to think that he might expose my little secret that am no longer a virgin! I felt protective of my family, and didn’t want to upset them.
It took me 12 years to admit that it was not my fault that i was raped
12 years of torture
12 years of masking
12 years of pain
I went from blaming myself to being angry with my parent and siblings. How can you all not notice the changes, especially abdominal or pelvic pain, lower pain threshold, anxiety and depression, self-neglect, and eating disorders.
I became a mess!
Am I Permanently Damaged?
I lived with the burden, alone!
I made numerous bad choices afterward. I have suffered with self esteem issues.
I later mastered the art of forming happiness but deep down, I was a damaged girl with lots of secrets.
The major theme of this part of my story is to underline the fact that people need not feel scarred or damaged by the outrageous crime committed against them. People who have been molested and/or raped are not guilty of anything and have nothing to feel ashamed of.