By Vivian Okafor
The last time she went out on a date, her slightly high, fast heart beat almost popped out of her chest. Not that her date was not cute or she was not properly dressed or mentally prepared enough; her mind was just in an unspoken war against itself.
Why the uneasiness?
The crowd! Funny right? The date venue was crowded. She wanted to enjoy solitude, not the bustling eatery that would never stay calm. For a mild moment, all that occupied her mind was the fastest route out of that place.
When does it become abnormal to want quiet and peace? When does wanting to spend time alone become a social disease? Some call it “social shyness” others, “social anxiety” a few, “social insecurity”. I am not shy, neither am I insecure, I just don’t like the stress of jumping from one ‘owambe’ to another get together, I just want to enjoy Netflix and chill, I want to dance to Davido’s music from my home theaters, while I eat my own sweat that wouldn’t leave the corners of my room.
I believe it is normal for many people to not like socializing. We are wired differently, we thrive on different things and dislike different things. People being themselves should not be called ‘abnormal’. Just because someone does not fit into the same box as you does not mean there is something wrong with them, they are just different.
Michael L. Jackson in his article: “Happy in Solitude: The Joy of being an Introvert” posits that people do not choose to enjoy solitary activities; they actually enjoy them, which I strongly agree. In his words “I was not choosing to enjoy solitary activities, I just enjoyed them. I was not choosing to be drained at times by on going interactions with others, I was just drained”. I feel this sums up the entirety of the life of someone who enjoys alone time.
From experience, I have understood that socially shy persons have amazing personalities, very well at personal conversations, and they connect deeply. That is why we hear people say ‘oh, I didn’t know you talk this much’.
I also believe that people who enjoy solitude are not socially pressured. Most people go out on a daily basis because of the pressure to feel among. I remember planning an outing with my friends last Christmas, we agreed on buying Burna boy’s 30k musical concert tickets. I was not having the ticket fee, not to forget other miscellaneous expenses. I was low on cash at that time, and I was able to suggest we go for something smaller, and it worked. This suggests that socially shy people are not pressured most times, at least not as much as the socially active ones.
But then, when does it become abnormal? It becomes abnormal when; being alone is as a result of lack of confidence or low self-esteem; worrying about embarrassing or humiliating oneself; being uncomfortable aggravates to fear or fear of being judged or watched by others in a social situation; trouble being assertive or probably even when one forgets how to socialize etc.
Asides all these, wanting to be alone shouldn’t be tagged ‘abnormal’. There is a reason for finding satisfaction in solitary; not because there is a fault somewhere. It is just who they are and how they are wired. If you do not like to socialize or you are selectively social, it is alright. People should be allowed to be themselves.Vivian Okafor is of the Lagos State University, Ojo.
